1
On the day
We never met,
In a BART car
We both sat...
But you've never!..
I would find.
Yet... I saw you
On that line.
Trailed your glance
Glide plastic walls;
Then, from weary
Oatmeal tones
Hop to folks
Who rode along
And dance calmy
Past their roles:
Slide on lines
That midnights trace,
Mark the changeless
In each face...
"Would you search
Them for a hole?
For a flash
Of burning soul?"
I'd get all spaced-out
And think...
Nowadays! Back then
Just sing:
"All the many souls
To save,
Rolling onwards
In one grave!
All the many souls
Are blessed,
Rolling homewards
In a nest!
In their burning joy
Would bawl
Starry pulse
Upon the shawl!.."
...Worn by one
Two rows a head,
With a book
You wish you've read.
And the cover
Bore the scenes
From your dearest
Childhood dreams.
(In my theory,
At least,
For I saw
It smiled you pleased.)
Then you lingered
On that tide:
Through the window
Stared wayside.
Up a yellow
Mountain's form
To its tip
Of white unknown.
At a crowded city's
Stop
You watched children
Muse and bop!
Then dull towns
And clouds amass...
But, as you look down,
(Alas!)
Columned beams
And honeyed rays
Fell seraphic
Through the gray!
How I yearned
To yell, to show!
But we weren't there...
I know.
Dusting off,
The seraphs passed,
That's when you looked up,
At last.
And you scanned the car,
Once more,
Blinked... Then flinched!
For now you saw. . .
That each head
Was bobbing fast
In a prison
Of unrest!
Every head
Was nodding fast
In a vision
Of unrest!
Or you didn't....
But I faced
All of that
And fled my gaze:
Plastic walls...
(A snapping seam)
Oatmeal tones...
(How phantoms teem)
But where phantoms
Leave their post,
I find other sorts
Of ghost:
Where a male-shaped
Happy store's
Smile unfaced yours
Through the door.
And another
I once knew,
I heard rant
That he was you.
But few saw,
Much less knew why,
And no one (nor I)
Dared pry
When an elder,
Slight and dry,
Peeled away
Into a sigh...
Then a woman
Traced a cross.
Yet, was groaning
"I'm so lost!"
While a kitten
Screamed (Like yours?)
In fresh panic
From her purse!
Then the person
With the book
Shut it
With an ugly look!
Then the person
In the shawl
Took it off
To wrap a doll!
And the windows
Banished light;
While the train, gone
Tunnel-side,
Under miles of water
Bore
Pilgrims
To another shore!
I felt weights
Of sea, of stone...
In a casket
I was bone...
And I shivered,
As if lashed...
I was cold...
I wore no flesh.
And my soul
Would rush in rage
At the frail bars
Of its cage:
From this nightmare,
Fought to flee.
Suddenly,
You looked at me.
No! How could you?
I was gone.
Into dust and fume
Was drawn.
While my soul
Tossed free and fast
Through the train car,
At the glass...
It would smash
And fail and rail!..
'Til you caught it
By the tail;
And you knew
That it was mine,
Then you swigged
From your red wine.
But the rest
Of wine you had
To my soul
You gently fed.
And, its crimson shimmer
Calmed,
It weaved lilac
Through your hold.
You inhaled
Eyelids dropped...
They unclasped
As you got up.
Screeching wheels,
Dark roaring past;
Rambling flooring
Heels would press.
Your first step
Starts smooth and sure...
Next you're shaken,
Leaned on door.
Gage the distance,
Trace a path?
Eighteen options...
And you laughed.
Took an expert step,
One more...
Bam! The train's flipped
Door and floor!
But a hand
Arrests your fall.
You glanced back:
No one at all.
Just a book
Beside a doll sat
On the far seat
By the wall.
And layed sprawling
Down the row,
Padding floors,
That starry shawl.
And you walked
The dim-lit car
To my seat
From star to star.
You arrived
To where I crawled
Underneath
A massive world.
And you said,
"I really like that...
You are practicing
Your crawl!"
"I am practicing
My fall still..."
"That one's tricky!..",
Chimed-in soul.
...
And
...
On that day -
Beside all time -
We kept rolling
Down the line ...
2
Feelings crept -
Through each doubt -
Then just slept
Underground...
Sleep, girl! Sleep
Dreams to tell...
Go down deep;
Judge me well.
Garnet sweat,
Mid-length hair!
Dum-dums met;
Dum-dums snare
Eyes are red,
All is fair:
Dum-dums said;
Dum-dums care...
Shut, keen eyes,
Beating shine!
Sundance slides
Grey on brine.
Matching heads
Train car benched;
Years fled,
Auburn-drenched.
Sleep, girl! Sleep
Past your stops.
Time would reap
Needed crops.
Why burn, why?
When the day's
World on eye.
Sway, boy, sway!
3
I grow into a subtle fear of my phone:
The reversal of obsessive checking.
For a moment's street crossing
Berkeley crowds me in:
- Looming cop car, crossed strollers,
Flip my cig towards palm
A salute, that I'd care...
And it's children's world!
Just how fay grasses bend
Silver light, and I walk
Missing soul, out of code;
Who would now hear
How I should talk?
And while roaming
Dwinelle's Labyrinthine halls
That day
I find The Book of Tango
4
No more words, love is breath now
Dripping warm,
speak or stare
Stare or speak
You are home while
There is time
And a world
All the time
In the world
Means
Never gone, sleep or not.
Not asleep;
Satin moonlight.
Think your name:
Feel you clasp.
Clasp to feel;
Kiss your eyelids:
All the time
Means you leave.
***
Are you gone? Are you there now?
Would you hear? Would you pause?
I'll tie vows through my hairline
And I'll scream my best words
Leave the cult, cease all science,
Cash all checks, close the store!
See how stone gathers silence?
Feel how mold welcomes war?
Berkeley Bart, woman's crying,
''Baby, don't! I just care!
Pleeease don't sleep now, Tobias ,
Can you hear? Are you there?''
5
Now a week you're gone
...
From a tiny shore
Of a campus stream
I imbue the flow
Watching chimney smoke
And how true its waft
And the stream would flee
With tossing forms
For a moment
And every line was worth a pain
And every pain was forth a year
How do we know where lovers hang?
Find fishes drowning in a mirror